tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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