Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So many bounce houses so little time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
