I hate your face
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
