Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
