I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
