Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
