i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
