every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
