When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
