Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it's like iHOP with fire
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
