tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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