I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
