Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
