final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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