remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
