I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You pole danced in your parka.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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