shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize