I'm lost and stupid without you.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
