Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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