false alarm. still invincible.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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