fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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