Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
