I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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