No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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