also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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