Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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