Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This baby is an asshole
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize