wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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