haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
