Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
