I'm really into asian looking animals
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
