Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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