Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They took my balls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
