Cold hands, warm shart.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
