Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
