he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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