Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
