I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
