he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
