normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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