WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
