and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
