I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
