Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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