I'm drive I can fine osifer
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
