The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
