Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
