areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
