i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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