Christians are straight up FREAKS
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
