you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
