I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
