All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
