Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
