WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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