I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
