Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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