So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you inspire me to be a worse person
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
