Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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