dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
