Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
