Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
