Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
