if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I love you. Go after that dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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