not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
