Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
