Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
