i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
