WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
