im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
