im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
