she woke up with a sticky ear
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
