i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
