I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
