i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
