he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
