evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
