mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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